Where to even start? I suppose I should say, first, that I am so thankful. Thankful for my amazing, brave, kind, loving wife. Thankful for the hospital staff who worked diligently to deliver Kana and make sure she is healthy. Thankful to my family... grandparents and siblings who have traveled far and stayed long hours with us to support us. Thankful for friends and members of our church family who have supported us with gifts and meals. And, genuinely, the birth of this healthy, beautiful little girl has made me more thankful for Christ and his presence in our lives than I have been in living memory. His goodness has brought me to tears many times over the last days.
I will say that the joy Kana has made me feel, the staggering swell of emotions, has convinced me deeply that children really are a blessing. If you are on the fence... scared, worried, or not sure it is "worth it", I have become even more convinced that it is. She is beautiful, and seeing the joy on the face of my wife whenever they are together melts my heart. It isn't easy... and, heck, I wasn't the one who gave birth! But in the late hours of the night when I am sitting up with her, it still feels completely worth it. The above picture was at the hospital the day after Kana was born, and I caught my wife beaming down at her. Right as I snapped the shot, she glanced up and said, "I think I like being a mom".
Looking to the future is daunting, but it has caused me and my wife to lean more on the Lord. There are so many unknowns, and I really hope that Kana will learn to love Christ as well and become His. That being said, despite the worry, we are eager to see her grow up. We can't wait to see her personality blossom, to share great stories with her, and to learn her interests. It will also be nice when she is a liiiiiittle bit better at sleeping through the night! Though the late nights are sweet. I have been sitting up holding her to allow Meggie to sleep. Those long hours are full of prayers, singing her lullabies, and talking to her. Haha, I also have watched some movies and shows, and I must say that holding a baby while watching Kimetsu no Yaiba certainly does trigger my waterworks! I'm sitting holding her, watching the backstories in the Infinity Castle movie and blubbering, thinking, "it's about family!" Ha. Sleep deprivation and new baby joy might have made me even goofier than usual.
All my time working in the lab has also been great for prepping for keeping everything clean around her. It is funny how much I catch myself working as if I am in a BSL2 cabinet! Also, I feel like I'd swear by an epidural after the birth. Meggie delivered her in 6 hours and 45 minutes, really fast for a first-time baby, and the second half of the birth was much less intense because of that epidural. Very thankful for the anesthesiologist and our OBGYN.
The birth of Kana has provoked lots of good spiritual time between Meggie and I. We have long stretches of time praying out loud together for her. As Meggie has been so busy, I have also taken the time to read the Bible to her while her hands are full of baby Kana. After Kana was born, the first passage we read together was Psalm 92, and the opening of that chapter very much resonated with how I was feeling.
Also, sadly, I am going to censor her face anytime she makes it onto social media. I wish I didn't feel it was necessary, but I don't want to put her online.
For fun, nerdy stuff, I want to end this post by telling you about her name. Kana is named after the daughter of Corrin (original name: Kamui) from the game Fire Emblem Fates. That game is still probably my all-time favorite, and in the story Kana has a very sweet relationship with her dad. It was probably the first daughter-father story that really gripped me. I am not saying it is objectively amazing, and there isn't actually a ton of dialogue between the two, but it really hit home for me. The name Kana obviously has Japanese roots, but it sounds simple enough that we weren't too worried that it would be strange in the US. As a guy named John, I also wanted to give Kana a unique name after having grown up with a very common one (not that I dislike my name! It is a great name). Her name in Japanese is likely an homage to a mythical figure (pairing her and her father's name together) who controlled thunder and lightning (something that matches her dragon blood in the game), and Kana can be written with various kanji (such as 佳奈, 香奈, or 奏) with meanings ranging from "beautiful/fragrant" to "to play music" or "harmonious". I certainly hope she will love music as much as her mom. Meggie both plays and understands music very beautifully.
For Estelle, the main inspiration behind the middle name is estel, a word from Tolkien's Elvish languages for a type of hope that comes from trust in God. That's our hope for her to have as a firm foundation through her life. Additionally, the original root of Estelle is stella from Latin, which is a little nod to Spy x Family, a show we watched together that's been impactful, especially in Meggie's journey toward wanting and feeling ready enough to pursue becoming a parent through its depiction of familial love in the midst of crazy and "imperfect" circumstances, just like we all do life in, if not usually on the scale of anime plots.
I have much more I could say, much more thanks I could give, and much more that God has been teaching us. The fact that Meggie and I are together, and the fact that little Kana has been born... it feels like a miracle. Who would have thought blogging about Toothless could be a stepping stone to this amazing journey? God is so kind! We would appreciate your prayers, and we praise God for the tiny girl who has joined our family. I pray I will be a good and loving father.
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